The Keyboard Cowboy

Ever since the early days of Prodigy, my online life has centered around engaging with others. Social media became a big deal with “Web 2.0,” but online engagement existed well before that, and I was there. Before there was “scrolling,” you would refresh the page, and each refresh brought a mix of trends and divisive debates. Engaging in controversial trending topics to gain followers and notoriety was a sport where I could share my feelings and influence others on culture, politics, economy, etc., in short, 100-mph increments. The short form came easily to me and felt natural. I always have something to say about everything and enjoy expressing ideas that prompt people to think and engage. I used to say, “I’ve been arguing on the Internet since before it was the Internet.” Many friends, family members, and former workmates have undoubtedly witnessed and sometimes endured this on my Facebook page.

But now, social media has changed, and not for the better. From the early days of the Internet, on IRC and PHP-based online forums, to my original Twitter account, which boasted over 12,000 followers, it always felt like we were arguing back and forth with one foot firmly on the ground regarding truth and reality. People would see their voices diminished if they were obviously lying or just factually wrong and refused to acknowledge reality. Now, it’s the opposite, with an avalanche of untruths prevailing as long as they align with people’s biases for what they want to hear, and real-life impacts are entirely on display, yet no viable counterarguments are offered to the false narratives and untruths that cause them. Hearing news reporters refer to this period as the “Post Truth Age” was the last straw. That, combined with watching the oligarchs that own these various platforms sit front and center at the president’s inauguration, was enough for me to decide I didn’t want to participate in this anymore.

Shut it down.

So far this year, I’ve found myself barely using Meta, X, or even Bluesky, and I‘ve shut off notifications on my phone for all of them. There has to be a different place where I can be myself and share my thoughts with others without being pulled into a discussion that will make me furious, powered by algorithms and AI-based engagement campaigns that use all of my data.

Shutting down social media phone notifications was a significant change for me, and it had a profound impact. Since I shut off notifications for these apps at the iOS level, they could no longer poke at me every time their models decided it was time to pull me back in. I would only engage when I saw fit; the results were staggering. For example, after a week or two of not participating on Facebook, I would open it, start scrolling, and be either thoroughly disgusted or depressed (or both) in minutes with what was in my feed. What was there wasn’t any different from when I quit. The only difference was how I reacted to what was there. Since I pulled back and started engaging with social media on my own terms, I don’t think many of my sessions lasted more than a few minutes before I’d be running for the exit, asking why I’d even gone back. It says a lot about what these platforms are doing to us.

While yes, I’ve missed a lot of birthdays for people I haven’t seen in 15 years, the hard part about my cold turkey departure from social media is that I haven’t been sharing. The outlet has been closed. The stress and anxiety of “all the things” have been mounting, and nothing has helped me let it go. Entirely withdrawing doesn’t seem like a viable option, either.

“Blogging? For real? What are you going to be, a self-help guru?”

No, I’m not. That said, I once found solace and pride in sharing a simple personal story on Medium about gratitude, a moment of reflection that resonated with readers and was boosted by a curator. That story was a spark that reminded me of the power of genuine connection. Before publishing that article, I questioned my ability to switch from short-form, drive-by engagement to long-form, well-thought-through, well-written articles in a blog format. However, that first piece showed me what was possible.

So now I’m at a crossroads. Stay in my comfort zone of short-form engagement with trending topics, trolls, AI pictures without attribution, and one-liners in the not-so-comfortable disaster that social media has become, or do I shift towards blogging, which will be more friendly on my nerves but more challenging to write and publish in my search for authentic engagement. This longer form is uncharted territory for me. It’s a deliberate leap into a space where I can foster more genuine conversation beyond the “follow me, and I’ll follow you back” culture that too often reduces discourse to a popularity contest. It’s seemingly more work, but potentially, with a bigger payoff, and let’s face it, in today’s online day and age of disinformation campaigns, oligarchs buying both “special government employee” status and the ability to put a message on your phone whenever they want, and fake AI everything, we all need to put in more work to ensure we don’t lose ourselves in the “free” dystopia waiting around the corner.

OK, so let’s go!

I’m seeking to start this shift now because I need an outlet to replace social media. Additionally, starting something meaningful now allows me to evolve it into a part-time gig as I eventually enter retirement, so I won’t be starting from scratch. As I grow older, having a place to explore the beauty in the natural world around us, share lessons from my years of leadership and drive to be a better human, and embrace the power of gratitude will be a significant aspect of my life. I plan to share insights gathered from years of success and stress, and I have plenty of both. Not wholly abandoning my short-form skills, I’d like to merge this blog with YouTube Shorts one day, allowing me to bring video to the things I write about when it comes to nature and outdoors, like hiking trails, quiet fishing spots, and perhaps even the adventure of bow hunting or other outdoor sports. I’ve dabbled a little in YouTube Shorts, and the format suits me, given my short-form roots, where I’m not spending half the day editing a 30-minute video and mixing sound. It’s just honest and raw, and I like that. While starting new things is always hit or miss, I’ve had a few reasonably well-received videos, which is promising. Adding YouTube Shorts to accompany some of my writing will enable me to leverage my short-form strength while still focusing on longer-form writing. I’m hopeful it will be a great match.

This isn’t a Departure. It’s an Arrival.

This switch to blogging isn’t about escaping the world. This is about changing how I choose to engage with it online. It’s about sharing my thoughts and feelings in a way I choose. We always knew (well, some of us did) that we were the product in this “free” social media world. Our data, our pictures, our emotions, our faults, our passions, our locations. That is starting to matter, so I’ve landed here in the blog world with my words, thoughts, and feelings.

I look forward to focusing on what truly matters: thoughtful reflection, genuine creativity, authentic connection, and celebrating life’s simple beauties.

For now, I will try the longer formats of Medium and Substack and see how each goes.

Wherever I go, you can find me at JanoJames.com.

Are you considering changing how you engage with others online? I’d love to hear where you’re headed.

With that one literal foot in the door, maybe I changed a life for the better forever. That’s what I thought when walking off the subway one random Thursday morning.

Allow me to explain.

I’ve got about an hour and a half long commute each way to get to work each day in New York City. That is more than enough time in a steel tube with my fellow humans racing toward and away from the metropolis to develop a reasonably poor attitude and occasionally question one’s sanity. The second half of my journey is on the subway. The NYC subway system is a marvel of ingenuity, danger, sights, smells, and rats big enough to name individually. It’s a multi-cultural experience that both explains NYC in an instant and sets the perfect stage for this story about the Butterfly Effect and how the energy we share with others affects them and radiates forward amongst the chaos of chance encounters.

Because I’m a seasoned commuter, I always opt for the express to 14th street and either transfer to the local or just walk the rest of the way to the office from there. Thursday was a nice sunny day out, and with every intention of getting off at 14th and walking, I stepped onto the platform, and the local was just sitting right there. I was presented with a choice.

Follow the wind.

The local train was there for a reason; I’m always one to recognize when I’m being ushered around in the universe. I stepped onto the local train for two stops without a second thought. ‘Looks like we’re going subway all the way today.’ I thought. I stepped just a foot or so into my little doorway spot, and as I turned around, I was presented with the classic chance encounter. A woman ran towards the doors closing in front of me with a desperate look on her face. She was about 6 feet too late, by my estimation.

Leaving the negative aside for the moment because I’m not a confrontational or mean-spirited person, I was posed with a simple choice: stick my foot in the door to try to get it to reopen for her to get on, or just turn around and face my back to the door, going on about my morning.

Out comes the foot.

Black Converse shot out from my position at breakneck speed, the two-foot distance necessary to get between the doors before they could fully close. She looked up at me, a bit surprised I had sacrificed myself as I felt the subway doors slamming against my foot. She then shrugged a bit with a look as if to say, ‘Do you think they’re going to open the door?’ to which I offered a matching look on my face, shrugging and wondering what would happen next if they didn’t as I stood with my foot now firmly stuck in the door.

Success!

With her standing right at the door honoring my attempt at getting them to reopen it, the doors reopened all the way, and with a big smile, she jumped on past me and sat down. The transaction was over, and we never looked at each other after that point. With my headphones on and eyes down on my phone, I never even heard if she said anything. The look we shared was enough, momentary as it was. She was grateful, and I had altered her journey.

The butterfly’s wings flap.

We’ve all had moments when we chose to do something positive. Certainly, we’ve all had regretful moments when we’ve chosen to do something negative, and we’ve all had moments where we chose to do nothing. Generally speaking, in these chance encounters that are over in a brief moment, you never get to see or know what lasting effect, if any, your momentary transfer of energy had on the person you’ve encountered. We feed off each other’s positive or negative energy in big crowds, concerts, protests, dance clubs, and sporting events. These chance encounters are no different. What energy you present to other people is up to you.

I got off two stops later and will likely never see that person again. Honestly, I doubt I could have even picked her out at that point in a lineup. As I stepped off the train, I thought, ‘I wonder what comes out of that moment.’ It was just a chance encounter where I chose to do something positive. I inherently felt like I was on that train for a reason because it was presented to me when I had initially figured on walking. Did that cross my mind in the blink-of-an-eye decision I made? Maybe. Maybe it was inevitable that I’d feel safe to do it. Either way, where was she headed from where we encountered each other? She seemed very happy to get on the subway. Was this the difference between being late or on time for a job interview, a special date, to pick up her kid? What would her experience have been had she waited on that train platform for 5 more minutes? Would it have been a positive or negative experience? Was this encounter as simple as my positive energy transferring to her briefly, and is there no “how she got her dream job” end to that story? How long did that positive energy stay with her? Did she pay it forward and help someone up the stairs on her way back to the street because she was still grateful that some random person held the door for her to get on the subway? I’ll never know, but I do know that my action had a non-zero effect on that person, and sometimes that sets things in motion for something small and sometimes for something huge. It’s fun to think about the “Butterfly Effect,” where small actions can result in large effects. The more I think about the possibilities, the more I love that people interact all day all over the globe, and sometimes, those chance encounters are filled with positive energy that lasts, grows, and fills our society with optimism and hope.

What about you?

Who do you choose to be in those encounters? Do you want to create more positive energy in the world? The butterfly effect of how you conduct yourself could truly blow your mind if you could see it, but obviously none of us can. It’s a matter of faith that doing good leads to good. Is knowing that’s true enough to make you want to take the positive path more often in everyday encounters?

I was genuinely pissed off.

My wife could see on my face how upset I’d become, though not as visible to others who don’t know me. I’d felt like my sanctuary had been violated.

Let me back up.

We live in a cozy suburban village outside of NYC. Close enough that the commute isn’t completely insane, but far away enough that we enjoy life not too far from the beach and some true outdoor beauty. The crowned jewel of the neighborhood, according to people like us who like green stuff and animals, is the pond and the hiking trail all around it. It’s a pretty nice trail and you can clock about 3 miles going one way across with some great nooks and crannies like streams with trout and bass, big trees full of many variety of birds from sparrows to owls, and then of course the two ponds on either end. The trails are old horse paths so they’re fairly well maintained and great for hiking and biking.

On any given day, you encounter birders, joggers, people just walking their dog, and folks just out for a stroll. Everyone is generally friendly and being there feels like you’re one with the community. As you can imagine, when the pandemic hit, the pond trails were an absolute godsend. Being able to head out in the morning and walk the trails, see other people but with easy distancing, and stay connected with nature no doubt helped a bunch of us not lose our minds.The trails became a sanctuary in the community.

It was in the early days of Covid that I noticed people doing nice things along the trails occasionally. Someone decorated a 6ft pine tree with a star and Christmas balls alongside the trail, then another one popped up about a mile away. Someone was painting flat rocks with lovely and kind sayings and leaving them on park benches as well as along the trail. It was the kind of stuff that helped restore one’s faith in humanity during a truly dark period when we were all wearing masks and using Clorox wipes on our cereal boxes when we got them home. It wasn’t long before I noticed the Forest Fairy.

Along the path I take every time I walk the trail, there’s a tree right off to the side with a big hole in it. We’ve been here for over 15 years and there was never anything in the hole, it was just there. Finally, one morning I noticed an 8 to 10 inch tall figurine of a girl kneeling with flowers in her hair holding a bouquet of flowers of sorts. It certainly could be a statue of someone or something else, but I immediately started referring to her as the “Forest Fairy.”

Not long after first seeing her, I noticed a bundle of feathers intentionally stuck in a tree by the trail on the other side and once I even encountered a harmless enough looking man standing on the side of the trail burning sage, which I know to be associated with warding off bad spirits. After some expert level Google sleuthing, I think the feathers may have been stuck in the tree as some sort of protection as well. It was like there was an area of the forest protected by a Forest Fairy put there by people I’ve never met practicing spirituality I didn’t understand. I thought that was awesome.

Fast forward to 2024, it’s been years since I first saw the Forest Fairy and given we live just a few blocks from the trail and love the pond, I’ve been seeing her nestled in her tree two or three times a week. There would always be subtle changes as people would leave fresh flowers or add more feathers, I had seen little notes written and protected in plastic, even the occasional dollar bill. People were making offerings of sort to the Forest Fairy and even writing notes to her! I never touched any of it, smart enough to know not to disturb things I didn’t understand. It was just beautiful to see.

Every time I would hike the trails, I would make sure to check in as I walked past and there she would be. No matter what kind of day I was having, seeing her would make me smile. There was an energy to the forest and it just felt loved and protected and as a result, I felt protected too somehow. In the years since the first time I’d seen her, I never saw anyone near the tree.

Now back to last week.

My wife and I were walking along the path like usual early last week and as I peeked my head around like I had been doing for years, I gasped and yelled, “She’s GONE!” The statue was gone, a piece of the gold halo someone had put on her head was on the ground next to the tree and the little vase that had usually held flowers or feathers was still inside but tipped over and empty. It had all been cleared out! We kept walking and my wife took my hand as I continued to process what I had just seen. Walking in silence, she knew I was upset though to anyone else it wouldn’t be as obvious.

So many thoughts were circling through my head as we kept walking. Who would do such a thing? This little symbol of beauty and protection remained for years through bad storms, police searches of the park, and who knows what else. Why now? Why do I care so much? How have I wrapped my sense of energy and safety around this unexplained series of idols in the forest to the degree that I feel like someone did this to me?

So we kept walking, I made a joke, we laughed a little, but I could feel her looking at me. She knew I was hurting inside and searching for answers to my own feelings.

The Empty Boat

I tried to stop taking it personally. I started reminding myself that everything I see or do, every interaction with someone or something, is in a place and time and I need to practice gratitude for the experiences I had and how they made me feel. Did I really believe that the figurine would be there forever? I wasn’t calling the shots here, I was along for the ride.

Still, I felt so angry that this happened, just assuming it was done maliciously. I skipped over any totally plausible scenarios in my head like the actual curator decided there was a different part of the forest or a different forest even that needed the Forest Fairy’s protection or that it was always meant to be there for a certain amount of time and the day had come. I went straight to assuming it was someone selfish and misguided wanting to break anything beautiful. I remembered posting a YouTube short featuring the Forest Fairy recently and someone commented with a Bible verse judging my interest in “idols.” Was this a religious act? Was it the person who commented? My mind swirled and my anger grew. “How fucking dare someone disrupt my peace?” was ringing in my head.

Being non-confrontational and playing the “long game” has served me well in life. It does come at a price. I hold back a lot, and I hold in a lot. Couple that with my endless memory and it requires maintenance and management so the dam doesn’t collapse. For that I need tools. I love fables as a tool for this kind of stuff.

My go-to story when it’s time for me to break out the toolkit is the fable about a Buddhist monk who sets out on a boat to meditate in the middle of a lake. He does not want to be disturbed so he picks a lake far away. During the middle of his meditation out in the open lake, he feels the bump of another boat up against his. Trying to maintain his meditative state, he tries to ignore whoever it is who has pulled up alongside his boat until he feels another bump and decides he’s going to open his eyes and unleash his anger on the person rude enough to repeatedly interrupt his meditation. When he opens his eyes, he sees that it’s an empty boat that was bumping into his. He immediately becomes self-aware that there is no malicious intent, there was no antagonist.

The anger was within him, just as it was within me.

There is plenty to be angry about in 2024. Some of it just naturally occurring, some of it manufactured and served up as “news” or “entertainment,” some of it purely malicious to affect a political or other outcome. Yet these are all things presented to us in one way or another. It’s easy to lose sight of the fact that as people of free will, even if significantly disadvantaged in some regards, we have the ability to decide how to process and react to what is presented to us, be it a post on Instagram or a person in the grocery store. And even in those moments when we are absolutely sure that another human is actively trying cause ill will, sometimes it is just an empty boat. If we decide to be in control of our own thoughts and emotions, we are much less susceptible to manipulation, and much less likely to be affected by feelings of anger, fear, anxiety, etc.

That all said, and after some necessary reflection, I’m truly grateful for the time the Forest Fairy blessed our little space. Through her I was able to see the generosity, and beauty of my fellow humans. And even though she is gone, the energy and community of the forest remains strong as ever, and I am again at peace.